Literally Anything Else

Literally Anything Else

When working with clients in early recovery, the question often comes up: “what can I do instead of using?”  In addiction, the substance or behavior comes to be the most reliable part of a person’s life - too reliable, as it turns outs.  Like a phone whose battery never runs out, the substance  is always available to fill the gaps between activities in a person’s life.  To occlude the downtime when questions about meaning, satisfaction, and self worth might arise.  Without the substance, a person in recovery finds themself suddenly and without armor exposed to all the painful and insistent questions that shape a life well lived.  And while those are great questions to expose yourself to, facing them constantly is not helpful or livable.  People need distraction, and the one I recommend most is Literally Anything Else.

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How Do You Know When Trauma is Healed?

How Do You Know When Trauma is Healed?

I’ve been working with a client who recently realized, and then confided in me, that they were carrying trauma from childhood abuse and it was making their life unmanageable.  What struck me was that they hadn’t known this before - they’d been living this way for so long that it just seemed normal to them.  The experience of constant anxiety, hyper-vigilance for perceived threats, and extreme willingness to blame themselves for anything that went wrong was just the air they’d been breathing for the past 30 years.  They hadn’t been having flashbacks to the trauma, they had been living it every moment of their life.

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Why Are Men So Lonely?

Why Are Men So Lonely?

When I was in grad school, I would often see a sight on campus that would stop me in my tracks: guys my age walking around holding hands as friends.  I’d seen guys hold hands before, as partners, but never platonically.  The guys in question were from Nepal, studying abroad here in America, and they explained to me that they simply didn’t have the same hang-ups as me and all of my male friends did - this was what friends did.  It was stunning to see, and I was beyond jealous of them for being able to connect like that.  I still am.

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The Waves Crash on the Shore and the Boat Alike

The Waves Crash on the Shore and the Boat Alike

The therapeutic relationship is unique: a one-sided-yet-authentic relationship which places the good of the client at the center of the work. By keeping ourselves out of the relationship while inviting all of our client into it, we therapists create a non-judgmental space where our clients can show the parts of themselves that they hide to the rest of the world. It is an intense experience, as we explore the most emotionally difficult parts of our clients’ lives while holding our own emotional ground. It’s a bit like the relationship between a lighthouse and a ship - we’re both in the same storm, but only one of us is lost at sea.

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