Literally Anything Else

Literally Anything Else

When working with clients in early recovery, the question often comes up: “what can I do instead of using?”  In addiction, the substance or behavior comes to be the most reliable part of a person’s life - too reliable, as it turns outs.  Like a phone whose battery never runs out, the substance  is always available to fill the gaps between activities in a person’s life.  To occlude the downtime when questions about meaning, satisfaction, and self worth might arise.  Without the substance, a person in recovery finds themself suddenly and without armor exposed to all the painful and insistent questions that shape a life well lived.  And while those are great questions to expose yourself to, facing them constantly is not helpful or livable.  People need distraction, and the one I recommend most is Literally Anything Else.

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How Do You Know When Trauma is Healed?

How Do You Know When Trauma is Healed?

I’ve been working with a client who recently realized, and then confided in me, that they were carrying trauma from childhood abuse and it was making their life unmanageable.  What struck me was that they hadn’t known this before - they’d been living this way for so long that it just seemed normal to them.  The experience of constant anxiety, hyper-vigilance for perceived threats, and extreme willingness to blame themselves for anything that went wrong was just the air they’d been breathing for the past 30 years.  They hadn’t been having flashbacks to the trauma, they had been living it every moment of their life.

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The Waves Crash on the Shore and the Boat Alike

The Waves Crash on the Shore and the Boat Alike

The therapeutic relationship is unique: a one-sided-yet-authentic relationship which places the good of the client at the center of the work. By keeping ourselves out of the relationship while inviting all of our client into it, we therapists create a non-judgmental space where our clients can show the parts of themselves that they hide to the rest of the world. It is an intense experience, as we explore the most emotionally difficult parts of our clients’ lives while holding our own emotional ground. It’s a bit like the relationship between a lighthouse and a ship - we’re both in the same storm, but only one of us is lost at sea.

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Resistance is Fertile

Resistance is Fertile

One of the biggest questions in modern therapy is how to most-effectively work with what’s known as a “resistant” client.  The idea of resistance is a simple one that belies a complex reality: some clients wont respond well to what the therapist is doing, and progress will be slow or nonexistent.  It’s a little hard for me to write about any of this - resistance, progress - without throwing quotes on every other word, but since that looks awful in print please assume I view all of this askance.  It’s worth noting that the question of resistance is a question that has only shown up in the modern era of therapy; Freud and the analytic gang not only weren’t worried about “resistance”, they didn’t have even have a concept of it.  Why is that?

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How to Keep Your Heart Beating

How to Keep Your Heart Beating

Before I went to sleep last night I reminded myself that I had a blog to write, and ran through the general outline of my idea for this week.  I woke up, enjoyed some breakfast, sat in the sun for a bit, and checked facebook.  Suddenly I didn’t have a plan anymore - my calendar was immediately and coldly cleared, as my hopes for the day were suddenly pulled and distorted into the black hole of tragedy.  Lucky as I am to not know anyone personally involved in the shooting at Pulse, I can’t keep the pain of such a horror from entering my chest.  This is the reality of tragedy, that it is impersonal in its ability to cross boundaries, insatiable in its ability to demand attention, and implacable in its ability to cause pain...

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